8.18.2009

B'nai Mitzvot

One of my best friends’ son is becoming a bar mitzvah this weekend. I’ve been to a number of b’nai mitzvot over the past 6 years, but I have not anticipated any like this one. I have watched her son, even in just the last year, grow and mature from a boy into a young man. I have shared many meals at their kitchen table, spent many hours in their house... to the point that they feel like my family. This young man has worked so hard and been so committed to what he is learning that, even without standing up in front of his entire family and community, he should be extremely proud of himself. The support that his family has given him is something that many people just never have. Each one of them has nurtured him, worked with him, studied with him, and in the end let him be himself. Every moment I have spent with my friend and her family I have felt the love and devotion simply radiate off of all of them.

B'nai Mitzvot have always been interesting to me; some can be very meaningful, very spiritual, and others can seem like both the kid and the family are going through the motions. The prep for a bar mitzvah at my temple requires a large commitment of time and energy by the entire family. But, there is also a sense at there that these are private affairs, to only be attended if you are a friend or family. I will admit to skipping a Saturday service or two in the past in order to avoid a bar or bat mitzvah that is occurring that day, so I am just as guilty. But, I think to continue to make our community stronger it is important that those of use who are regular attendees of Saturday morning Torah study and services show up for a bar or bat mitzvah. It lets people know that yes, we stand with our community. We ask our kids who go through this process to become a part of our prayer community, but what kind of message are we sending when we don't become a part of theirs? How can we expect them to take adult prayer seriously if we don't take them seriously?

There are those in the Reform world who think we do b'nai mitzvot all wrong, that it is too much a show and not enough a service. I believe at my temple my rabbi has really tried to keep these from becoming a show. I have found some deeply prayerful moments at these services, and I fully expect to again this week.

So, this weekend I will sit in the congregation with the multitudes of family who will have descended upon the city to be witness to the momentous occasion, and hopefully some of my fellow Saturday regulars. I will share in their pride and I will rejoice in the Jewish commitment this young man has made.

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