On Words

A couple of weeks ago I attended services at a local Conservative shul. My synagogue does not have Saturday services during July due to a variety of circumstances, and while I miss going to my own temple, I do enjoy shul-hopping for 4 weeks. It gives me a better sense of where I am in my Jewish journey, where I want to go, and why. It keeps things fresh, though I am always more than happy to return to my home congregation.

Anyway, two weeks ago I figured I'd check out on of the Conservative shuls in town, picking the largest one where I new a few people (who, unfortunately would not be there that morning). Shacharit began at 9 and I got there promptly at 8:55, took a seat in the back row, and put on my tallit. There were maybe 25 other people there at that point, but by 9:15 another 15 had arrived and by 10:30 there were at least 100/150. Now, I've been to a Traditional shul before, and I know the pace is quick, and while my Hebrew is decent for just beginning in it 3 years ago, it's not to the point that I can follow quickly with silent Amidah. So, between that and the constant need to get up to let people in and out of my row, I found the first half of the morning fairly frustrating. I'd like to get a point in my Hebrew fluency where I can reasonably follow along with the silent Amidah and still get some spiritual meaning from it. I know there is a school of thought which holds that you just have to say the words and meaning comes later; I've always been of the mindset that the meaning and the feeling should be present as I say the prayer. A friend of mine (our previous rabbinic intern and newly minted rabbi in his own right), asked me once what I do when I don't feel like praying at services. I told him that I just don't come. If I'm not going to get something from my recitation of the words, I'm not going to say them. I'm not going to risk them losing their meaning for me. Words are incredibly powerful for me, especially in prayer and they should not be taken lightly or said just to be said. For one, I don't think God wants that; granted I don't know what God wants, but I can't imagine the God I believe wanting me to say words that are supposed to praise and exalt him if I don't mean them right at that moment. I would think that is akin to lying to God.

So, back to two Saturdays ago. I did get to hear the entire Torah portion chanted, though I was frustrated that no translation was read. While I'm sure there were people in attendance who understood what was being chanted and could translate as they heard it, I could not. I followed along in the Chumash with the Hebrew and was fully expecting a translation at some point, but none came for the Torah portion or the Haftarah. I point out again how this can hold any meaning for the people who are not fluent in biblical Hebrew. I think there is obvious merit in hearing the portion read (or chanted) aloud in Hebrew; I personally love that, and I love to read Torah myself. But you know what else I love? I love knowing what I'm reading/hearing. I love the learning that goes with it. And trying to follow along in the English while the Hebrew is read/chanted, well, that's just frustrating and takes away from both tasks. So you might have to sit in shul for an extra 20 minutes to hear the translation. So what? I would do it.

Musaf was much more my pace and I was getting into the swing of things just as the 3 and a half hours of Shabbat morning services was coming to an end. Oh, well.

Things that bothered me:
--Veiled comments from people around me about my own home congregation; nothing overtly mean or negative, but it was under the surface--comments like "oh, you go to ______? Well, this must be like a whole new world for you!" Um, thanks, but no. It's still a Jewish service with the same general structure and prayers. I'm not an idiot and my Reform temple is not a church.

--The aforementioned non-translation of the Torah and Haftarah portions.

--The way people wandered in throughout the morning, chatted with each other, got up, moved around, and in general were distracting.

Things that I liked:
--Getting to hear the entire portion, chanted.

--Getting to test my Hebrew knowledge.


All in all, an okay experience. It helped me realize a few things about my own prayer style and preferences while at the same time exposing me to a different way of doing things. Do I wish we used more Hebrew in services at my temple? You bet. Do I wish more people would learn to read Torah? Heck yeah. Do I wish that more people would learn to lead services. Definitely. Will I give up on the Reform movement and my temple? Nope. Reform Judaism is my home, spiritually and idealogically. I would love to see some more traditional practices both adopted and/or accepted. I would love to see Reform Jews with a greater range of observance and for those who don't observe mitzvot to not be critical of those who do and vice versa.

That's all for today.

---------------------------

A quick explanation to why I'm here:

After more than 4 years on LJ and the loss of a good friendship closely linked with it, I have found myself drifting from it. A friend suggested starting up a new LJ, under a new name, but I think it might be time to start blogging elsewhere. I'll probably still keep the old one, just to keep in touch with other friends, but I think it will be good for me to move on.

So, what will this blog be about? Mostly my ramblings about being a Reform Jew who is interested in observance and Torah and learning. I may add in other boring details from my life, but we'll see.

My goal is to post weekly on my thoughts, about what is happening locally, either at my Temple or in the community; about my own spiritual journey; about what is happening in Israel; about what I am learning. Hopefully I'll stick to that and maybe post a little more. We'll see.