Biennial, Day 1 (personal observations)

I really do need to update more often... once a year doesn't really cut it. Since I've begun keeping a paper journal again, I'll try and relay some of my more public-friendly thoughts here.

----------------------

Most importantly, at the moment, is that I attended the URJ Biennial last week in San Diego. It was an amazing time, filled with lots of learning, praying, singing, and socializing with fellow Reform Jews. I'm not sure I can even begin to describe how I felt there, but I'll try.

My rabbi and I left Wednesday morning, flying out of Columbus. Being someone who hates flying, I did not sleep well the night before and was up at 3:30AM for a total of about 2 hours of sleep. This would prove to be a not great thing later in the day once we were finally in San Diego. There were a lot of people from the surrounding Columbus, Cincinnati, and Dayton areas on our flight; in fact it felt like the flight was about 75% Jews going to the Biennial! There was an air of excitement and anticipation on the plane and when we landed I couldn't wait to get to the convention center to check in. After settling into my room and changing clothes, I met my rabbi to walk over and sign in at the registration desk. The walk would be my first experience into the strange reality of the Biennial where everyone seems to know everyone else. We stopped so many times so that my rabbi could give people hugs and say hello and catch up in general; I was beginning to think I was with the most popular rabbi around!

Once we finally got into the convention center and got our credentials and schedules my rabbi basically said "see ya later" and I was on my own. Which is the point at which I began to freak out. See, I'm not good with situations where I don't know people and have to introduce myself and all of that. I kind of suck at being social in large groups. I was late for my first workshop because of registration and my 2nd workshops was running late, probably because everyone else was just arriving. No one talked to me in either of the first 2 sessions. I have to admit that my exhaustion and being in a new place with a ton of people I didn't know completely overwhelmed me. I stepped into the bathroom and cried. I wanted nothing more than to go home at that point and I felt like I was approximately 5 years old. But, I washed my face and headed to the exhibit hall where I (thankfully) ran into my rabbi, who asked me if I wanted to join him and his friends for dinner. I didn't hesitate in my acceptance, glad to know I wouldn't be alone for the meal.

I walked around a little more and then went to change for dinner. I wish, now, that I had instead stayed for Ma'ariv, but I think at that point I needed to exit the large, public area for a few minutes in case I began crying again. So, I met the rabbi and his friends for dinner, which was nice and loud due to the children, and I was able to kind of just sit there and listen for the most part. I was so tired by then that I wasn't even hungry anymore, despite not really eating much all day. I was just happy to not be alone, and honestly I like my rabbi and we have a good friendship, so hanging out was comforting. On the way back to the convention center, though, I admitted to feeling like a fish out of water. He reminded me that we'd talked about how there wouldn't be a lot of people my age at the Biennial, which is fair, but at that point I wouldn't have cared if people were 30, 40 or 50 years older than me; I just didn't want to feel like fading into the background. We separated once we were back inside, me to go to the opening address, him to head off to something else, but before we parted he said to call him if I needed anything. I didn't want him to feel like he needed to take care of me and don't him has much, but he said he didn't mind because he worries about me.

I went to the opening addresses and couldn't sit still or stay awake, so I went back to the hotel and collapsed into bed, but not before chatting with my roommate (another congregant there for the WRJ part of the Biennial) and planning to get together with the other 2 women from my temple the next day.

Lessons I learned, on a personal level, from my first day at the Biennial:
1. Getting sleep is vitally important.
2. Eating regular meals is probably nearly as important.
3. My rabbi is, at the very core, a good man.
4. My shyness and any social anxiety is severely heightened when I am tired.

I'll post more about actual content of the Biennial, but I'll try to keep posts like this one separate from content for anyone not wishing to read about my craziness.