My rabbi finally said something about my tzitzit last night. I stopped in his office after Hebrew to say hi and to catch up a bit since it’s been a while since I’ve really gotten a chance to talk to him. So, he asked about why I decided to wear them (after point out he wasn’t sure he was going to actually say anything at all). I told him about how it related to why I chose to wear my kippah all the time— my tallit is this great physical connection as I strive for holiness on Shabbat and at services and I didn’t think it was something I should think about only on Shabbat or at temple. He pointed out that he’s always seen wearing them as a very Orthodox thing, a very Lubavitch thing; also that he always felt that they were very masculine, while wearing a kippah has been something that women have been dong for many years, at least within the more liberal movements, and entailed some self-expression; that wearing tzitzit more or less meant you were Orthodox. He said it got him thinking about how women could making wearing tzitzit their own, and while the option he came up with (attaching them to handbags??) was a little absurd, I’m glad he is thinking about it. I think, though, that what he is stuck on are traditional ideas of what is masculine and feminine, both in a Jewish sense and a general sense. I’m not saying he is close-minded, but I think that in this case he is just kind of stuck in these ideas. I come from a generation, environment, and educational background that questions gender stereotypes and what is “masculine” and what is “feminine.” My tastes have always run towards what is traditionally considered “masculine,” but that’s not why I like things, it’s just what I like. If I liked the idea of wearing a skirt, if I felt comfortable in it or liked how it looked, I would wear one. But, I don’t. I like pants, and t-shirts, and jeans, and polo shirts. I like my hair short and I like gym shoes. So, when I chose to wear a kippah originally, I didn’t look at it as taking on a masculine custom, but rather a custom that spoke to me. The same about wearing a tallit, and the same about wearing tzitzit. I’m not hung up on what is traditionally “masculine” or what is traditionally only done by the Orthodox. It really goes back to what I view is the very idea of Reform Judaism—you are supposed to educate yourself about the mitzvot, about Judaism, and make educate, thoughtful and informed decisions.
He said something else that had me thinking—that while kippot have become a mode of self-expression and are acceptable among Reform Jews and women, tzitzit are still seen as strictly Orthodox by most people. I feel like as a woman, as a Reform Jew, that wearing tzitzit is not only performing a mitzvah it is also a means of self-expression; I am saying who I am as a Jew, or at least part of who I am. They don’t need to be attached to a brightly colored garment to fall into the category of expression. Self-expression comes in many forms and I think that it is time that Reform Jews and women are able to reclaim this without getting questioned about observing this mitzvah. It’s almost like saying “we’ll support you if you find ways to keep Shabbat, in fact we will applaud you. We will encourage you to wear a tallit or a kippah if you find it a meaningful custom or observance.” And we say this to both men and women. So wouldn’t tzitzit fall under that category? When you see the 613 knots you are supposed to be reminded of the mitzvot. Whether you consider the mitzvot binding or not I think most people can agree that at the very least they are a guide to living a moral and ethical life. So, why shouldn’t wearing something that is a physical and visual reminder that there are these guidelines to living our lives as good people, good Jews, shouldn’t we be encouraged, or at the very least supported in the wearing of them? Man, woman, Orthodox, Reform, aren’t we all bound to live moral and ethical lives? No matter how we view the binding nature of the mitzvot, can we at least agree on that?
In the end, I know that he supports me, even if it is not something that speaks to him. And that is why I respect my rabbi.
Who I Am
- JD
- I am a committed Reform Jew interested in spirituality, mitzvot, Torah, and coming to observance as I understand it.
2 comments:
I wondered how he might respond and I am surprised that he considered it masculine given the fact that women wear kippot. At some point in history women wearing kippot was new and different and, well, masculine. Isn't this the same? I, too, am attracted to the tzit tzit--and moreso since Michael began wearing them and I must say I have wished for a 'feminine' version of them--somehow attatched to a camisol or something...I am not where you are yet--but I am glad you are forging that path!
He actually commented that it is probably easier, in a practical way, for someone like me who dresses the way I do, but that other women who either don't wear pants and shirts that can stay untucked or wear skirts or dresses would have a harder time wearing tzitzit and that it got him thinking about something that would work for them. And honestly, what he came up with was a little impractical in itself--putting tzitzit on handbags.
I personally, was thinking more along the lines of a camisol or slip, but as my best friend pointed out this would defeat the purpose of being able to look upon them. So, I don't know what the solution would be.
And I agree that this is the same as when women began to wear kippot.
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