The Barechu Is Not the "Call to Gossip"

I have a bit of a pet peeve when it comes to praying in temple: I usually like to pray uninterrupted. I understand that this can’t always be achieved and that sometimes services can be a bit rowdy depending on the people in attendance (ie. a family service with lots of children)*. However, I would like to issue a friendly note to those who enjoy chatting to me during prayer:

1. While I understand that you may be interested in the new person sitting down the row from us/the latest ongoings at the temple/the rabbi’s new haircut/the height of the grass that has just been cut outside, the middle of the Barechu/the Sh’ma/the Amidah/the Aleinu/the sermon/etc. is NOT the time to ask about this/bring them up for discussion.

2. If you are not here for a family service and you bring your children I think that is wonderful. However, they should be able to sit through the service without running in and out of the sanctuary multiple times. If you know they have attention issues or are going to be very antsy, please tell them that once they find themselves to be bored to quietly head to the babysitting room. I’m a firm believer in exposing our children to praying as an adult, but the fact of the matter is they are still children and shouldn’t be expected to sit quietly for an hour—there are plenty of adults who cannot.

3. If I choose a seat that is far from you or anyone else, please respect this. Do not constantly try and get me to move over to sit by you. I have chosen to sit by myself for reasons that I shouldn’t have to explain, but they can range from wanting quiet space, to wanting actual physical space, to the fact that I’ve grown sensitive to a number or perfumes and colognes as my allergies worsen.

4. If you do try and engage me in conversation and I give short answers and quickly turn my attention back to what is going on up on the bimah or in the siddur take this as an indication that you should not continue to talk to me.

5. If I have my eyes closed assume that I am trying to focus my attention inward or on God and that I wish to not be disturbed. I am not sleeping, but even if I was that doesn’t mean you should nudge me and wake me up.

Believe it or not, I usually come to temple to pray. There is a great time to catch up and socialize afterward at the Oneg, or even before** services begin. I don’t think any of this is too much to ask.

*I love family services, especially when my friends with small children are there, and don’t expect to be able to have the quiet time that I would on a non-family service night. I come to temple prepared for that and with the knowledge that I am gaining something different out of the experience. I do welcome all sorts of temple/prayer experiences, but even with the most rowdy and raucous services I expect a certain level of appropriate behavior from the adults.

**If you notice me sitting quietly before services with my eyes closed it can safely be assumed that I am preparing myself for prayer. Sometimes after a long and stressful week I need those moments of peace. It is nothing personal, and in fact, it isn’t about you at all.