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"Awareness of wonder is not the same as knowing the wonders that happen to us. Wonders happen without our being able to notice them." (p. 50)
Such is the awareness of the presence of God. Knowing that there is a God is not the same as feeling the presence of God in our daily lives. Do we seek out that feeling? You bet--I think that's what prayer is. God may always be around, but we are only aware of Him, or feel that awareness, at certain moments of our lives. Perhaps the awareness is always there, living inside of us and there are certain experiences, deed, or thoughts that can unlock this box of awareness (mitzvot) and bring it to the forefront of our consciousness. We must seek out these moments and create them–they will be rare if we simply sit back and wait for God to happen. The Jewish idea of God is a hard one--we must work for it, we must strive to bring about the moments of awareness–maybe this is why we are commanded to pray 3 times a day, to care for the sick and the poor, to honor our parents, etc. It is through mitzvot, however you define it (commandments, good deeds, etc.) that we give ourselves opportunities to experience God, but that can't be the initial reason behind our deeds. Our deeds must come from a place of giving and kindness; perhaps it is only through pure selfless acts that we bring about our awareness of God.
So, each time we worship it is an opportunity to unlock our awareness of God. Each time we sit down individually or with others to learn we give ourselves an opportunity to unlock that awareness. The same with our actions, our mitzvot.
And one we have experienced that awareness we will seek it out more and more. Will we alway feel it? Probably not, but I think we will feel other things–the growth of relationships, of our awareness of our own abilities and potential, an awareness of the world around us. Does all of this equal an awareness of God? Some might say yes. I don't think so, because an awareness of God is like experiencing all of that at once x1000. It is emotional and overwhelming and a magical moment.
I do think we get glimpses of it at other times, though. When I feel a surge of love for someone, or awe at the beauty of nature, or wonder at the vastness of the universe, this is my awareness of God sneaking out, touching me, allowing me to feel these things. And it is a gift.
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What happens when we seek God when He is not near? Does our seeking make God near? Does God withdraw when we do not seek Him? How must we seek God to make Him near? With an open heart and a mind open to the possibility of God–we can't approach God with a closed spirit and expect Him to respond. But, we also can't expect God to respond in terms we necessarily understand. What happens if God responds and is present and we are not aware of it? How long will He wait around for us until we become aware? Must we become aware on the level of "Ah-ha"? Or does god show up, patient, when you call out to Him, and stay with you as you journey towards awareness of His presence? I think it is a gradual awareness, at least it was for me. I call out for God at some point in my life and I might not have know I was even doing it. And at some point I became aware. Now, the huge question is, was God always there and just waiting for me to cry out? Or does God wait for us to seek Him? And what is the difference if each situation ends in awareness? Because how we got there is just as important, if not more so, than actually getting there. I'm going to get more out of a long, rambling journey through the country-side than a congested and straight-forward freeway, but for others the freeway is the best and most useful option. Each journey is different and God responds to them all. But does God respond differently?
We can read and learn and memorize all we want, but we must experience God to have faith.
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